sgiron

January and babies

2010-01-05T19:16:23Z

Being born in January, I do the double thinking about my life thing. I do the "what happened last year" reflections and wonder about the new year. And then there's the whole "approaching a birthday" kind of thing too.

Today I've been thinking a lot about my sons.

I swear, parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world. It was one I wanted badly when I was young, and once I married, could hardly wait to start a family. I know my husband at the time wanted to wait a bit until we were more financially stable, but I wore him down and we had our first baby two years after we married.

I think judging by modern times, I was a rather young parent, although by other generations, I was an old lady parent. I had my sons at 25 and 29.

The biggest thing I looked forward to with raising a family was doing stuff with them. I know I was one of those keener over programmed moms when they were very young. Hell, we did classes while they were still in my belly!!

I worked at a dance studio where they danced and took theatre so I could be involved with their lives.

So many years of driving around to swimming, karate, library club, kindergym, kodaly, music theory, gym, skating lessons, theatre, dance, competitions, shows, violin, piano, choir, and so on.

I look back and am exhausted just thinking about it. Good luck you older parents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The older boy stopped doing extra curricular activities when he hit about 14 which was likely just as well with Dorian's five days a week dance training and other activities and community theatre and competitions.

So now, my youngest baby is in university and our together time is fading fast.

We're doing Footloose this year. I love community theater, it's such a nice family thing. My only regret is that Derek and Mitchell never wanted to do theatre with us, and that's their choice, but it would have been so fun to all do something together. I think Mitchell would have loved to have been in Joseph and Wizard of Oz. And since there's always a hunt for boys and men in shows and I'm on the board of directors, they could have just done it. Oh, well, that ship has sailed. I just need to focus on my own boys now. But it's really is one of my biggest sadnesses in the ending of this marriage is that we never did anything together as a family because none of us are interested in the same things. Well, I'm not sure what other things we would have done because after all these years, I still don't know what Derek and Mitchell like to do together as an extra curricular activity. But it matters not anymore.

To me, putting Dorian in theatre kept him out of trouble, he's not roaming the streets causing trouble, he's not getting girls pregnant, he's not stealing or doing god knows what cos he's in theatre rehearsal. And I'm there with him because why not? I have to drive him there and back, might as well stay and get to work! All of these kids in extra curricular activities, no matter what kind they are, build friendships, learn good work ethics, and discipline. And in the rare cases when you can participate in the actual activities with your kids (theatre and hockey come to mind) you're building a family bond that will be there for life. A bond that a child as a man can look back on and remember how his mom or dad was always there for him, rooting him on at his games/shows, helping at practices, and having enough interest to actually be involved and there for him in the activity that he loves.

The beauty of community theatre is that it's pretty much free to do it. Hockey and competitive dancing are a whole other ball of wax but there is fundraising, grants, kindness, volunteering hours against fees, and so on if money is an issue. I will never ever ever forget the kindness of Cathy for not only giving me a job at the studio but allowing my sons to dance and do theatre "on scholarship." And to all you financially struggling parents, there ARE other Cathy's in the world. There are people who want your children to benefit from the joys of new and exciting things. They take pleasure in helping you help your child find joy and self-expression. You have to want it and look for it. There are groups and agencies, Big Brothers and so on can guide you.

All these years later, Cathy and Dorian are now a team. Fourteen years from baby tap to Dance Coach. Another bond for life that sitting in your room playing video games or cruising the internet will never get you. I remember when he was up to her hip. Now he towers over her, lifting girls in the air and leaping over tall buildings in a mighty bound.

Anyway, my boys, my sons, my men...! God the years go fast.

I watch with great interest friends who have had their children older. Marcy and G Italiano come to mind as do Greg and Tamar Lamberson. Well, Greg had his daughter in his forties, Tamar is younger. There is an element of calm and patience the older parents have that I did not possess one bit as young woman. But of course, my general personality is impatience and stubbornness so it's no surprise that I wanted my kids reading by one years old! It was difficult to process, recognize, and deal with learning disorders in my older boy and both the kids were blessed with their mother and father's Type A personality and hyperactivity, can't sit still, want it done yesterday, attention span of a gnat...

although weirdly enough, Dorian is very patient mentally despite a body hyper (why do you think I put him in tap shoes at four) , a good listener and very good with advice. He toyed with being a shrink for a while, and he'd be perfect. Maybe when he's older that's a path he can pursue.

Anyway, I keep saying, "where does the time go?" My little pumpkins are adults. And I'm looking forward to spending lots of good quality adult time with them. And I hope to keep doing theatre with Dorian for years to come, whether it's onstage, backstage, or creating. And who knows, maybe both of them will one day be rap stars and I can lie by their pools!!!!

Women in Horror

2010-01-05T05:44:36Z

There's a movement afoot of declaring February as Women in Horror Month! I'm down with that!

http://womeninhorrormonth.com/wih-manifesto/

It feels good to be back to rehearsals and some semblance of routine. I'm working hard on assignments and packing and boy, it's exhausting. Derek went back to work after holidays and was painting. So things are moving forward. Not my number one on the list of exciting times, sort of a mixture of sadness, regret, and anticipation.

This time I'm better armed with duly noted life skills. We always learn as we wander down life's path. Some lessons are harder than others, but if we DON'T learn, then the lesson was wasted and the pattern is doomed to be repeated. I know how to stop the repeats, I think, now. But some of the lessons, I need to be patient to appreciate the full message.

But I will party during Women in Horror Month, and that's when Footloose goes up too.

Partitioning the Brain

2010-01-01T16:36:04Z

You know how you can partition a computer?

I want to partition my brain. Please? But I guess that would involve electroshock or perhaps duct tape.

I need to sweep all the nattering yattering into one little corner and shut the door.

I need to examine and file my emotions in order of priority then put a lock on them for a few months.

I need to open the file where my ideas are/were, because right now, I've lost the password and the vault is empty and I have three stories due very soon. I've never ever had an empty idea file. I've never lost my drive to write before EVER, not that I can recall since I was three years old and now I'm scared.

I must be able to focus long enough to read more then one paragraph at a time while I'm editing or I'll never get anything done. If I don't work, I don't get paid. If I don't get paid, I can't pay the bills, or Dorian's university, Dorian's $300 a month transit fees to get to school or get out of debt.

I must stop thinking about the overwhelming mountain of packing and just fucking do it. I've been doing it but I need to be faster and more aggressive. Compress and delete or save. It's so simple.

I have to buy some more RAM to run my brain faster and more efficiently.

I need to curl up into a ball for about a week and cry until I've emptied away my pain but the warranties don't cover water damage and I don't have time for self-indulgence except when I write in this blog.

I remember writing HOUSE OF PAIN and how much I ached while I wrote that book. Ten years later, the hollow sadness (manifested in the BUDDY character) still haunts me. When I've cleared out the clutter of my life, of this house where I lived two failed marriages, and embark on my new empty nest life alone and empowered, perhaps the ache will stop because I will finally be living a life for myself, not for my children, not for any man ever again, not to please anyone at all. Just live in the moment with no expectation, and no regrets, much like THE FORUM taught me years ago. A cult, yes, but the concept can relieve one of the pain of the past. Life is not a dress rehearsal, this is it.

When I reboot, the monitor will look much crisper and the document files will reappear. In the meantime, it's time to defragment, do a virus check, and delete unnecessary files.

I hope to have my shit together by my 48th birthday.

Where Does the Time Go?

2009-12-28T23:40:53Z

I can't believe we're nearly at the end of 2009. Wow, what a year it was. But I won't recap what I've already said.

It's bitterly cold outside, and I guess that keeps me motivated inside. It's hard to snatch time to work and pack when Derek endlessly attempts to make what's been wrong, right.

It takes two, honey, for beginnings and endings of matters of the heart.

There's no reason in this short human life span that every day has to be a struggle. Sure there are fantastically fun times but it always seems to be balanced with some real yucky crap. Yes, I'm an adult and I know everything isn't sunshine and lollipops. I'm clinically depressed and hate to take medication so I'm a real prize with that, SAD, and my premenepausal hormone shifts.

I'm also well aware that Derek is finally recognizing some of his challenges, difficult ones that most of us would want to ignore or shrug off. But he is taking steps to examine some of his life path and decipher some of the messages left along the way that he may previously have missed. His diagnosis of the likely thyroid condition will be a big one. With medication, he won't be so moody and frustrated by inability to concentrate. This will be a big boon for him. There are other tests for him as well and we'll see if there's another issue.

However, like I said, every day doesn't have to be a struggle for either one of us. Much like what happened with my first husband, our interests and goals have branched in separate directions. He should be able to do what he likes and I should be able to do what I like (which I do) but I like to have a partner to do them with and sometimes he has a different priority.

I understand priorities and this is why I did my damndest for over seven years to try to accommodate what we both want. But neither is happy on some level for whatever reasons and we can't seem to fix it.

My sons are adults. I will stop being a full time mom this summer, possibly, and after twenty three years, not including pregnancy time, I can have the house to myself. I don't have to answer to anyone or do anything or go anywhere. (yes I do that already but I have to PLAN for everyone) Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed motherhood, I wanted it, created it, and lived it to the fullest. Now I get to be mom of adult children and they are both people I enjoy being around. I still want to do theatre with Dorian as long as he wants to. But the idea of helping another, fifth, boy through teenage years, is too much. Derek has tons of things in place for him with counsellors and a special ed program and Derek will do much better as a single dad cos he can just focus on his son and caring for him and doing activities with him without me as a distraction.

People are formed by the time they are five. Perhaps after years of therapy, there can be softening of stubborness, jealousies, insecurities, trust issues, and so on. But when both people have them, for decades, it's a difficult road to forge. Behaviour doesn't change over night. I once learned a theory that behaviour never changes but can transform.

I hope to transform into something good, pure, and wonderful. No, I don't hope. I believe I am someone who wants good things for everyone. The bitterness can wash away with the garbage and I will become someone closer to who I was once, long ago, but with more confidence. Karma will take care of those who aren't true in their hearts. I myself can say that I've had some very dark times, and I certainly keep that karma wheel spinning. I am not in denial of that.

Anyway, I'm not going to spill the most private thoughts to whoever reads this. But I want other people who are going through similar confusions to know that they are not alone. I barely registered Christmas and now we're hurtling towards New Year's Eve.

But I am looking forward to recreating myself in a new life. I have to, otherwise, what's the point?

So in the Festival of Lights, I'm looking forward to the light at the end of the tunnel.

Pre-emptive Strike

2009-12-24T02:01:18Z

Derek is upset with my journal so I closed the offending entry. Funny how he's never been upset before when I've talked about my feelings and inadequacies. That's what journals are for but maybe he never read any of the other ones.

Anyway, we're doing the best we can to work through this mammoth pile of yuck.

No matter what happens, there is much packing to do.

Warning: Long End of the Year Babble

2009-12-10T05:10:22Z

Wow, the year is nearly over. And what a year. Gall bladder surgery and diagnosis of acid reflux, herniated esophagus, and an ulcer, The Silver Hammer Award, The Mississauga Arts Award in the Established Literary Categoy, Las Vegas, Burbank, New York, had a part in a movie, SLIME CITY MASSACRE, performed in EVITA, am now Assistant Stage Manager in Footloose, watched Dorian graduate high school and start university as a dance major, saw Stephen King live, I wrote and had published a few books and stories, I run an erotic reading series in Toronto, I hold frequent dinners for local horror writers, I’ve learned who my real friends are, and yet...

Ah...the weather was quite schizophrenic today and though it was crazy, it wasn’t as bad as the predictions led me to believe it was going to be. The sun even came out for about half an hour at the end of the day. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen the sun.

The new year is going to be filled with changes. I’ll finish up the horror novel I started, write a few promised stories, and get back on track with some other projects I’ve been neglecting as the days grow shorter and the nights grow colder.

Funny, I’m always busy and never stop to really think or worry about my melancholy. I think at my age, if I can keep the little man in my head cheering me on towards spring, I can make it through. Many years ago, I went to the animal shelter and got myself a beautiful black long haired sheppard. The idea was that he would force me to go outside, even in shitty weather. Now one of my best friends and neighbour has a dog and we go for walks like we did when I had a dog. It keeps all of us more peppy and tears me away from my computer once in a while.

I’ve not written an original word in over two weeks, maybe three. Usually I write something, no matter how short, to keep the juices flowing. I suspect I’m still suffering burnout from writing several books quickly and then a couple of short stories over the summer. One of the stories hasn’t sold yet, so I’m revamping it for another erotic anthology. No horror, just erotic. The other story I wrote over the summer was published in Campus Chills. This is a little horror story that takes place in residence about a girl lusting after a hot guy and the supernatural consequences.

I think that now Footloose rehearsals have started full swing, that keeps me really busy and out of the house a lot. That gives Derek plenty of time to tinker with all the projects he always wants to do...but I guess he works real hard all day and just likes to sleep on the couch all night. Not everyone can be a do-bee I guess. I just wonder about his lack of energy when he’s so much younger than me. Must be all those welding fumes.

I was very happy to have a few tarot parties through the agency too, and that is very time consuming. So it’s not like I’m slothing around. The editing work continues to flow and I hope it does for years to come. As I reorganize my life, I have to focus more on the freelance paying work so that I can stop worrying about money. And that means fiction writing will be much slower than it used to be. But that’s okay. I’ve done my quick books, now it’s time to write a slow one. After all, my first published work, ETERNAL SUNSET, was the result of ten years and about six rewrites and I still like the ideas in it. I’m dying to do the other two books in the series and maybe this year I will. I wrote several other books during those ten years, but they were growing pains books as I learned how to write.

So a new decade is quickly approaching. So much to do and grow from. Every experience happens for a reason, although it may not be clear in the moment, especially to onlookers. I’ve made the leap from naive young-minded woman to the crone. I’ve learned a lot these past few years. When the universe shows you a sign, you need to listen. I wasn’t listening but now I’m in the middle of an epiphany. I can suddenly see my path, as if the barriers have all been lifted away. It’s good to reconnect with energy and remember how everyone is connected, everyone has a reason for coming into and going out of our lives. I lost a lot of my spiritual connections when I met Derek. Getting caught up in romance and love and dancing. And the responsibilities for dealing with lots of kids and running a household as well as trying to earn a living as a writer. Not much time for spiritual connections except through tarot cards.

But I’ve been getting more in tune with the connections. It’s easier when I have lots of tarot parties because I read for so many people and it somehow changes my perception and I see things differently. Almost like a clairvoyance or transparency. My body was screaming at me and I cut out the bad stuff. It’s time for some changes.

I feel though I’m just waking up. Maybe it’s because the solstice is near. There’s a sense of urgency and new beginnings and I’m going for the ride. It’s like I’ve been in a coma for years and at last the fog is lifting.

Bring it!

Stephen King and David Cronenberg

2009-11-20T06:07:40Z

What a fabulous evening. I swear sometimes I have the most blessed life. I really didn't think I was going to be able to see Stephen King tonight, but my hard work paid off in a small monetary gain and coupled with a new release of a block of tickets, I was able to go.

Not only did I score a ticket to a show sold out weeks ago, but I was in the orchestra, row S. heh.

Before the show, I met Monica Kuebler, Rio and Emily Youers, James Roy Daley and I think it was his brother, and Joel Sutherland for a quick drink. We all had tickets in vastly different areas. As I was taking my seat, I spied Brett and Sandra coming in and they had just scored tickets today as well. They were in the front row on the left!

The show was great. Stephen King read from "Under the Dome" right in front of Brett and Sandra. I was so happy for them and I was happy for myself for my own great seat. I really felt blessed that I was able to once again able to see the man that inspired me to be a writer, to be a horror writer, right there in front of me. This is the second time I've seen him live now and I have to say, good things happen after you turn forty!

After he was finished reading, he sat down and David Cronenberg sat across from him and they basically shot the shit. There was some good conversation ranging from books to films to Jungian theories. My favourite part was when King talked about Danny Torrence and wondering what he's up to now. He'd be forty and fucked up from "The Shining" and working as an orderly. He'd have an "ability" (shining?) to help people find peace before they die. That sounds cool to me.

He also talked about how someone should write a book about getting emails from the dead.

Anyway, it was a pleasant evening.

I saw Nancy Kilpatrick there with her ex, Eric.

I didn't see Diana Barron.

Afterward, I went for a drink with Brett, Sandra, Halli and David, and James Roy Daley at the same brew pub. I liked it there. It reminded me of Beerworks in Salem. We had a good time and then I went home.

I think I saw TWilight people tonight. When I was on my way to meet the others by the Canon theatre, there were huge lineups at the Elgin and papparazzi galore. I saw the couple being photographed and thought it looked like the Twilight couple. later on, Roy and I were walking by the Elgin that now was fronted by half a dozen cops and saw some NEW MOON stuff around. So it must have been the Toronto premiere of New Moon. The ticket holder line was huge, everyone had tickets when I was on the way to Stephen King, but people were gone except all the cops when I left. So maybe I was actually two feet away from Bella and Edward randomly and all those poor fans around the world would have died to be me as I walked past and gawked. Life is strange.

Random Thoughts

2009-10-29T04:50:07Z

Been a tornado week with the sudden weather change, the darkness, winning my first WRITING award, having personal difficulties in several areas, having proactive moments, reading at a fabulously run, decorated and attended book launch for Campus Chills, dropping the ball with juggling too much, wondering why no matter how early I leave for something, I always seem to be late ever since the operation. The constant activity and emotional extremes sometimes has me as confused as the swirling autumn leaves whirling and tangling in each other.

Hello Seasonal Affective Disorder.

As long as I can recognize it, I won't truly lose my mind though I may not have any friends left once it's fled as quickly as it ascended.

Recognition is the key to these things and it's hard to keep the rudder straight when the sails are flapping wildly but slowly I'm learning how to come around.

I'm not the only one feeling it. This time last year, I sort of knew a young man who killed himself. The other day, Dorian sort of knew a young man who killed himself. In both cases, I was sad for them of course, but said "It's that damn SAD. There has got to be a cure." I tell you, if I could keep numbers straight, I'd go for a medical degree and figure it out for myself. But math and formulas swim in my head. Sometimes I wonder if I might be dyslexic on top of being left handed. But I'd study it and try to figure it all out. None of the known drugs work. Sometimes alcohol, chocolate (which I can hardly eat anymore) or other things can "switch gears" as I call it, and sometimes it doesn't take much.

Anyway, what a week and a half or so. Plus sickness. It was here in this house, it's all around, the flu, the HINI, quarantines and death are rippling through North America. Terrorist germicide? Modern living catching up with us? Too much plastic food and not enough real stuff for healthy immune systems? Who knows? Scary times with Halloween only a couple of days away.

Online Games

2009-10-24T01:54:25Z

Watched a documentary about the online game, Second Life and how online behaviour can destroy marriages.

Oh, I agree. And it doesn't have to be an organized game either.

I wrote a story about a couple involved in an online game many years ago. One was married, the other single. It's a horror story so that's all I'll say about that, but it was about role playing online and how it was destructive in real life. Of course, back then, there were no online games, they just made up stories and acted them out.

This documentary hits the nail on the head about how fantasy can take over real life.

I learned my lesson how online personalities are just a game and the real life can be so much different through a few chats, dating services, and so on many many years ago. This is why I rarely friend people on my messenger. I don't use it much because I've had some disappointing experiences and even in just normal conversations, meaning can be misconstrued.

If I already know people, I might add them. But the truth is, I don't have time to chat all day. I will twitter and look around facebook now and then and those things alone take hours.

Anyway, I'm really enjoying this documentary.

Busy Times!

2009-10-16T03:20:44Z

I can't believe it's Thursday night already. What a week.

Footloose started, Dorian and I went to London to visit my parents for a belated Thanksgiving, I had tarot parties last weekend, Dorian had orthodontist on Tuesday and today dental gum surgery that he's now recovering from, and I have to keep trying to get to my day job piles because that's where the money is to pay the bills!!

The surgery went well, I think. Dr. Lenga is very nice and understands the plight of the artist and has given me a break so that Dorian could get worked on. I've been totally blessed with the healing arts people the universe has connected me with from the dentist, ortho, chiropractors over the years, metaphysical healers, and so on. Oh, and my mechanic. He's a total sweetheart for putting up with me and "that car."

Finishing up a proposal that is going to be shopped around, doing some research for another proposal that's coming up and plugging away VERY SLOWLY at the horror novel. I think I wrote twenty words yesterday but thought alot...

I managed to start staggering my bedtime to earlier times. I think I was actually in the bed just after one thirty last night.

Tomorrow it's my turn to see the dentist and then I'm reading tarot at a Big Brothers Fundraising Event.

Time to fuss with some pictures again for a proposal...

Dexter, Californication, Hung

2009-10-13T05:42:18Z

All caught up with all of them. Some of each of them had moments of veering into the "cheese" zone, but for the most part, all enjoyable. I'm sure there are other good shows like these on those HBO and other specialty channels, but I don't have time to sit and watch tv much.

I do tend to have the tv on in my office (the biggest loser Australia is on now and i have to keep googling kilos to pounds to see how much they lost) while I'm checking email and websites. When I'm writing or editing, there has to be total and complete silence. But when I'm doing that business stuff, I have Maury, SLice tv shows, and Court shows babbling in the background. Last year was obsessed with the wedding/party shows and of course, all the weight loss shows. I also love nature shows and would love to watch those endlessly but usually do about an hour a week on the National Geographic channel. I especially enjoy sharks and other predators as well as apes. I'll watch almost anything about nature as long as it's proactive and there's some sort of interesting looking predator that kills something at some point. When I was younger, I was always glad they didn't really show that stuff. Now I'm just jaw dropping horrified at some of the stuff they show but I can't look away either.

Okay, now that I've started...(oh god, Beauty and the Geek has come on now...)

I was watching National Geographic on Demand a few weeks ago. You can pick shows and documentaries on Demand that are running on the channel. So I picked Lions. The show had a big disclaimer at the beginning that simply said that the show was suitable for ALL AGES. I said to Derek, "Let's see what the THAT means cos I suspect this is gonna be worse then a SAW movie."

I think the most horrific and disturbing part of the documentary was not the tribe of idiot lionesses that couldn't get their shit together to find a meal, but focused on the pack of hyenas that lived nearby. A water buffalo was eaten alive in a creek while it moaned and cried over and over again. It was heartbreaking and I was thinking how I cried during Wild Kingdom and they never showed anything at all. The hyenas were eating its ass first, ripping the poor thing apart. They even ran off with a leg while the dying creature bleated and watched. Within twenty minutes it was less then bone.

Now tell me, would you let your five year old watch that? Ten year old? teenager? Adult? Like, I think a warning at the beginning should say, "This is a show about predators which means that there will be disturbing scenes of murder, decapitation, amputation, being eaten alive, being ripped apart alive, and view discretion is advised. 14 Plus."

You know, I was scarred for life when I first saw a picture of the painting by Goya of "Saturn Eating His Son." For some reason, that picture always appeared in various slide shows, art demonstrations, the AUDUBON SERIES at UWO and some kind of painting series as well as in University. The first time I saw that picture, I put my face in my hands, the terror it invoked in me was like nothing I'd ever felt before. Yet I looked again because I couldn't help it. I didn't even know he was actually eating his son for years. My look at the painting always stops at the wild eyes and the secrets they contain and I have to break the gaze.

So if just a fictional painting can give someone nightmares for 45 years, what about the little kids watching these animals being eaten alive?

I'm not saying don't show it, not at all. I'm just saying, ALL AGES isn't the appropriate rating.

Caught Desperate Housewives last night. I forgot to start watching it again so I think I missed two episodes. I think I've cottoned on to what is happening now though.

Shows I need to catch up on from LAST YEAR:
http://www.livejournal.com/update.bml
Big Love
Heroes
Weeds

I haven't even bothered watching Heroes this year since I missed most of last year and know I'll need to know all that stuff first If there's a price dip, there might be a Heroes set under the tree at xmas so we can all catch up.

Big Love started to conflict with something, can't remember what it was, and then I cut off Demand for a few months to catch up on bills. Now that I have Demand back, it's not on Demand, but maybe they'll put the old season back on when the new one starts up and I'll catch up before watching the new one.

okay, that's enough of that...

sgiron @ 2009-10-12T00:41:00

2009-10-12T04:49:49Z

It's amazing to me how much fun it is to read tarot at parties but how utterly exhausted yet wound up my brain is for hours afterward.

Yesterday I read tarot for two hours and today, I read tea leaves with a bit of tarot for two hours. Both events were joyous and I had positive people who were eager for answers. I'm never sure how I do it, but things just flow out and my mouth goes and I'm able to "see." It's very cool and it's taken me a long time to learn and practice how to do it. For most of the seven years I was single, I meditated and trained myself how to "see" in the cards, and now I can "see" in tea leaves really well as well. Crystals balls I can do most of the time although I've never tried on anyone but me but it takes a long time to see anything sometimes.

Now I just have to get better at manifesting!

However, after doing the parties, I don't feel like writing and find myself reading all kinds of news articles that I just never have time to read anymore. Tomorrow, it's back to editing. My desk is full again and that makes me happy but it also means two solid days of working before I go to visit my parents on Wednesday for Canadian Thanksgiving.

A Breath of Relief

2009-10-07T05:01:11Z

Got some more paying work so that eases the worry a bit. The horror novel is plodding along, I'm at the "doing a lot of thinking stage" and sort of sketching it out. I have about 12,000 words thus far.

A couple of days ago, Greg Lamberson, director of Slime City Massacre, sent me a section of the movie. Wow, I'm impressed. I think he hit the ball out of the park with this one. I can visualize how it's all going to work since I was on set for a bit and saw tons of pictures and read the script. This is going to be a great movie and I can hardly wait to see it in its entirety.

Footloose rehearsals start next week. Three days a week and that's combined with picking up Dorian at York sometimes to get him there too. I'm an ASM, (I wanted to be one this year cos I like to be busy at rehearsals and I'm always watching what's going on anyways) and he plays the role of Garvin. This is Meadowvale Music Theatre's offering for Feb/March 2010. I'm looking forward to seeing my theatre friends again. I had several months of my writing life, and it gets lonely sometimes, then overwhelming with the traveling, conventions, and parties. I need a happy medium. Theatre provides that. I can socialize a couple days a week and still keep my writing pace unlike traveling.

I also have a tea leaf party booked on Sunday so that's exciting. I do tons of tarot but not so much tea leaves and it will be fun to use that skill for a change.

Friday I have my Spooky Erotica readings at Fetish4Play. There's going to be EIGHT of us reading! It should be tons of fun!

I'm still looking for more readers for November and December. Also, I will be putting it on hiatus for January and February because of the show then I'll start up again in March.

sgiron @ 2009-10-02T19:04:00

2009-10-02T23:04:42Z

The weekend spreads before me in a dull dreary drizzly haze. How I wish it was warm out and the sun was shining. But alas, it is not. It’s hard to get motivated to leave the house when the world is awash in grey. So I’ll likely spend a lot of time front of the computer, researching, thinking, working on the horror novel, not working on freelance assignments because apparently there aren’t any right now, and thinking of new ways to dream.
I don’t know why the hell anyone would go to a trailer park in pouring rain and freezing cold. You don’t see me there. Everyone already has colds, let’s go for pneumonia!
If I lived downtown, I wouldn’t be home right now. Not a chance. But I’m trapped in the suburbs and don’t want to drive.
So here I am and here I’ll stay....

October Already!

2009-10-01T06:28:04Z

The temperature dropped considerably today and the skies were dark and dreary. I’m really feeling the effects of doing not much more than sitting at my desk. Now that I’m nearly caught up with writing gigs and email, I can get into a real routine. Oh, how many hundreds of times do I say I’m going to get back to the gym. I just have to accept I go lots and I go not at all and what happens, happens.

Tomorrow I’ll have to work in the morning then spend the afternoon and likely evening helping my older boy move yet again. He’s been having a tough time finding a place he can afford that doesn’t have issues of some sort. Hopefully he chose well this time and it will be the last. All part of parenting and I’m happy to be here to help although it’s not my first choice of a bonding activity. We’ve all done the apartment dance and good for him for not putting up with bullshit such as bugs, broken appliances, bad plumbing, broken toilet, meddling landlord, etc. He has more balls than me!

Dorian is settling into a University routine and soon we’ll be starting the three day a week rehearsal schedule for Footloose.

I have a couple of exciting projects that may or may not happen and I’m quite excited at even being given the opportunity to give them a shot. There’s creaky news on an anthology that may come out one day. Campus Chills is going full throttle and the Haunted Hamilton Campus Chills event will be fun. I’m about 10,000 words in to a new horror novel that is horror, just horror, maybe some fantasy depending how you label it, and it’s a blast.

Still seem to be operating on Vegas time. Up real late, sometimes 3:30 or even 4, sometimes earlier, but sleeping til ten or eleven. Of course, winter’s coming and I always sleep longer when it’s dark and cold out there. I want to get back to my nine o’clock routine but I have to get to bed earlier to make it work cos I don’t sleep huge long chunks like other people seem to do. I swear Derek would sleep for sixteen hours if I let him! But when you have kids, you don’t have that luxury.
Wow, October already!

Procrastination Station

2009-09-24T04:17:47Z

I really should be in bed but I'm all screwed up from Vegas time. Well, there was no time in Vegas. It was one big blur where I'd sleep for about four hours, eat like a pig at the buffet, and run around some more.

Been fighting with the computer all day again. There's a massive computer issue in this house and I blame Mercury retrograde.

Derek's computer died the night we went to Vegas. This computer of mine that I bought two years ago during a Mercury retrograde (and believe me I wouldn't have bought one at that time but there was a deadline to meet)has been acting up. Today it refused to go on the internet from about three in the morning until three in the afternoon. Might have a virus. Somehow the whatever was disabled. I have to keep restarting it for a variety of reasons. I can't use outlook express at all and have to go through yahoo. Argh.....

I have to deal with these laptops too. One is already in for repair. The other I need to come up with a hundred bucks to save the data before I get a new one under the service plan I bought. Yes, sometimes those plans are worthwhile!

Well, mercury will be direct soon and all this will be over.

Now to do a bit of work.

Killercon in a Nutshell

2009-09-22T04:25:36Z

Killercon was a hit! This is a great little con that will no doubt grow into a must-do medium sized con over the next few years.

Derek and I went to Las Vegas on Tuesday, a couple of days before Killercon’s official start. We cruised the strip and I even saw sharks at Mandalay Bay. Look for photos on Facebook.

The con started Thursday night with a pajama party. I came directly to the party from walking home from the Stratosphere so I didn’t change into pajamas. However, it was well attended even if I myself kept coming and going.

The panels were interesting and well attended. I spoke or moderated on several. I read from my new story that will be published in Campus Chills and even was a judge at the Erotic Horror Fiction contest.

I was happy to spend much time bonding with a few close friends and my husband although I wish as always, I had spent more time with other friends and peers as well. No matter how much time I try to save to do something with everyone, I just never am able to meet my goal.

The con was in Las Vegas so people were often out doing many activitie such as seeing Kriss Angel or the Vampire Burlesque. The casinos, of course, are a huge draw. I’m not much of a gambler but over the course of the week, the twinkling dinging machines sucked about fifty bucks from me and much more from Derek and some of my friends. A con in this city will have a much different feel than other cons because wandering off is easy to do in a hotel with lots of bars and entertainment with many more casinos, bars, strip clubs, shows, and rides nearby.

Derek and I took advantage of the shuttle several times to get to the strip and it’s something to see and experience. I hope next year when we go early, we get to do some shows or rides. Vegas is quite overwhelming and it’s easy to get sucked into gambling or just walking forever in the steaming heat.

I can’t believe it’s over already.

Today, yesterday, has been quite an experience. I never went to bed on Sunday night because I figured I’d been up til dawn every other night and the plane would come at 6:15 and I’d sleep all day. But no. Derek, Brian Hatcher and I hailed a cab around three thirty and when Derek and I arrived at the airport, we discovered the flight had just been cancelled. All was fine when I’d checked on the internet at one am.

However, the news was good. We scored a direct flight from Las Vegas to Toronto on Air Canada although it was at 11 am. We even got a free meal for our efforts.

The down side was that the plane landed at 6:17 instead of the 4:30 our original transfer flight would have been. So we went right from the airport to the Mississauga Arts Council Awards at Meadowvale Theatre. I walked in the door and spotted the organizer. My name was called as a finalist within minutes of my arrival. In fact, Derek and John were still parking the car when I accepted my certificate. I posed for pictures, wearing the Lizzie Borden shirt I’d been wearing for over 12 hours and I had slipped on a skirt over my leggings in the airport lobby. I was even interviewed on tv. I have no idea what I said, I’m so exhausted.
The final awards are in October. I’m one of three finalists for the Established Literary Award.

What a week. Great fun with Derek and great fun with my friends. I can hardly wait until next year.

BEACH BOYS ANTHOLOGY hits the stands today!

2009-09-02T02:41:48Z

Busy times as always.

Business first: BEACH BOYS edited by Sephera Giron came out today.
A sizzling m/m anthology about the boys of summer! This steamy collection showcases 14 stories about men who love men...and when the temperature starts rising, these guys find creative ways to express their feelings.
Contributors include:
* Brandi Woodlawn
* Lisa Mannetti
* Elizabeth Coldwell
* Manlius Latham
* Maximilian Lagos
* Jarrah Dale
* Eric de Carla
* Randall Ivey
* Jen Bluekissed
* Kaysee Renee Robichaud
* Clarissa Duquesne
* Derek Clendening
* Rupert B. Yorke
* Ziggy Raht

From cabin boys grad students to zombies, this collection has something for every reader who loves hot m/m stories.

http://www.ravenousromance.com/m/m/beach-boys-an-anthology-of-erotic-encounters-with-the-gay-boys.php

Today I slept in. I had to because I’m going to die if I don’t get some sleep. Of course, sleeping in means going back to bed after Derek’s alarm went off around six, about fifteen minutes before he came to bed from couch, and I can never get back to sleep until I hear his car roar away around six forty-five. Today, I got up and woke up Dorian to go to his York Academic Orientation. THEN I went back to bed and slept fitfully until around nine-thirty. That’s forever for me. I usually get up around eight thirty.

I’ve been back on the staying up til anywhere from one to three schedule. I’m finding it hard with everyone back but hopefully once school starts for real, there will be less disruption. Last night, watched a couple of True Bloods with Derek and dozed on the couch then came back down to work on the new horror novel.

The day before was the same. I had been so tired from my weekend and had in fact, dozed on the couch for a couple of hours with Derek, but somehow got a second wind and was down here til around three.

The weekend was fun but exhausting.

On Friday night, Derek and I went to Kinky 4 Play and I put up posters for Oral Orgasm, my FREE reading series that starts up again on September 11. If you want to come, the details are on my website.

http://www.sepheragiron.com

Marcy Italiano did a great job on the new web site. I had a vision and she brought it to life and I didn’t have to spend hours of tedium making html.

She’s fast and listens so if you need a webmistress, she’s your gal. You can click on her link on my website.

On Saturday, I had party at the request of Monica Kuebler at Rue Morgue Magazine and Burning Effigy Press. I booked a room at the Loose Moose and Derek and I spent a few hours decorating it.

I think people had a good time but I was disappointed about a few no –shows. Such is life. There is so much going on at a con that it’s hard to be everywhere at once.

A few of us ended up partying in Diana Barron’s hotel room. I was so exhausted that I actually fell asleep for a short time on the couch with the party around me. I never ever do that, so you know I was pooped. I woke up though and couldn’t get back to sleep til around five. Which made the next day real rough.

Di gave Derek and I coupons for the buffet the next morning and we gleefully went and stuffed our faces. It was so nice of her to let us crash there and give us breakfast too!

On Monday, I helped my oldest son move for about eight hours. Oh the joy! This time, I let him and his girlfriend carry everything because that knife in my back was beginning to throb a wee bit and I didn’t want to aggravate it. It took about four car loads plus we did a couple of furniture shopping trips. I hope this is his last move for a while, but I’m thinking they aren’t going to enjoy that place for too long. We’ll see...

I was bummed out to discover that an event I had planned to attend this weekend was cancelled. However, shit happens.

Derek and I went for a long walk around a track. He’s been doing a lot of contemplating lately and I attribute it to the fact that he turned forty in March and it comes with his age. I’m down with a total life change. Let’s move, he can change jobs, be in a new location so we can make lots of friends. My youngest boy is now a University student. I’m ready for a change big time. He, however, is not. He is afraid of change although I’m the only consistency he’s ever had in his entire life. And we would change together...but he’s afraid to change job, afraid to change houses though he’s not happy with his job at al and we both agree that though we like our actual house (hell I have a whole floor for an office with a private door and a walkout to the back patio...)we want a different neighbourhood. We have four good neighbours and that’s about it. And two of them are never around cos they have two homes and the other two have a different lifestyle than us.

Anyway, Derek’s contemplations sometimes entertain me because he vacillates from discontent at his work to worrying about a meteor hitting the earth in 2012. Either way, he gets depressed yet the first thing is fixable, change jobs, he’s a welder for god’s sake, the world always needs a welder, and the second, well, hell, I’ve live on this earth 47 years and I can tell you, people have the need to batten down the hatches every few years against some violation targeting the earth. And in the end, it’s always the humans battling themselves that are the biggest threat.

But he talks and talks and hopefully will come to some sort of solution but likely not. He’ll wait until even more signs from the universe are kicking him in the ass. And that’s his lesson in this world. Mine is patience...argh....

Well, my cougar story was rejected the first place I tried to sell it, but I know someone will buy it. It’s just finding the right place, like any other story. There’s too much story for typical erotica in a magazine but too much sex for a mainstream story. Lord knows I have a bucketful of stories I don’t know what to do with. Many I’ve lost over the years and others, I still don’t know what to do with them.

However, I’m having fun writing my new horror novella. I have to get this out of me before I can continue on with Lord of the Thighs. I want to do both justice but right now, I need to get a good old fashioned horror fix.

No More Free Horoscopes

2009-08-26T18:55:44Z

Well, I noticed yesterday when I was working with my webmaster on my new kick ass website that my horoscopes had disappeared from the Ravenous romance front page. My agent informed me today, after I inquired, that they in fact, decided not to continue with them.

Well, that's all fine and dandy but it would have been nice to have been informed before seeing it for myself.

But the author is always the last to know, aren't we?

And it's just as well because even though my actual horoscopes were done with love and care and accuracy, the way they chose to present them was a disaster and despite my repeated cries for having the signs all right there and the ability to click on them, no one listened to me. Not to mention a byline would have been nice.

So it's all over now.

No more horoscopes.

And of course, no more income from horoscopes....sigh.....

sgiron @ 2009-08-25T23:47:00

2009-08-26T03:48:08Z

Wow. I can’t believe my annual pilgrimage to the Big Apple is over once again. I had a great time and I hope Dorian and Monica did too.

I got in the door by about 1:30 am and tried to sleep after a nice long shower but have forgotten the lovely strains of Derek’s snores, I tossed and turned so I thought I’d get up and blog.

Last Tuesday, I picked up my car from the mechanic cos of course, everyone needs sudden car expenses before a trip, and the trauma...And Dorian and I set off for Niagara Falls. We chatted to the border guard and found parking on the other side. We walked around and went on Maid of the Mist. It was much warmer then my previous adventure and the spray was warm and welcoming.
We found a cheap hotel by the airport that would be a great place for a couple because of all the mirrors...heh. I had a coupon and it was about fifty bucks which is great for a couple of minutes from the airport long term parking. We watched tv and ate US chips that we can’t get here, and then fell asleep.

In the morning, we set off for the airport. I ended up in Parking Lot B and at first thought I screwed up cos my coupon was for A but the nice lady told me that parking lot was forty bucks max, cheaper than the coupon for the other lot. So I reparked and caught the shuttle.

The plane was on time and soon we were on the Air Train and then the subway. We met Monica at her class and she took our suitcases so we could wander around while she finished. Dorian’s favourite store and the main reason he likes to come to New York, was around the corner so we went there and he bought his school wardrobe for amazing prices.

Monica took us back to her place and treated us to chicken and mozzarella sticks and salads and such and we ate like pigs. We caught up on things and went to bed.

The next day, Dorian and I went into Manhattan to get tickets for shows. We were pleased to find that West Side Story had cheap seats (still overpriced though) at the theatre though there are no deals to be found online. So we bought two for Friday night and then went to see if we could find tickets for HAIR. There were no cheap tickets but we bought three for Sunday.
On Thursday night, I had a reading at IN THE FLESH. It was a packed audience and lots of readers. Every single reader was funny or theatrical and it was a joy to
be part of. It’s on You Tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5I-sWXi4-w

After the reading, Monica and I went for dinner with Lori Perkins. Just after we ordered, we were joined by Drew Tinnins of Fangoria. The four of us had a great time chatting and the evening ended too soon but late.

On Friday, Dorian and I went back to Manhattan. We wandered around Rockefeller Center and headed over to the Moma just as the skies opened up. There was a huge downpour, but it had been so hot, the water was welcome relief. We were soaked as we joined the line that spanned around the block for free Friday. The rain let up and all in all, it likely took us about fifteen minutes to get into the museum. We thought we’d have to wait hours like last year, so I think the rain helped us in that regard.

We hurried through the floors and hustled over to the theatre. West Side Story was fantastic. It was a treat to see it done professionally, as I never have. For the first time, I believed that Tony was young and stupid and really did fall in lust with Maria that night. I believed Maria was an innocent yet lusty and the story of a couple of horny teenagers played true for me.

On Saturday, Monica was having a party. We got ready for that and people started showing up around three. We ate and drank and by midnight, everyone was gone. It was great company and the number of people worked well for the space and heat. Monica had a great spread and everyone ate like pigs. I had bought four types of beer and had to try them all. I liked the Killians Red Irish Beer best and then Sam Adams Boston Lager. I’m not a big fan of Coors lite and the Blueberry beer I bought was odd. I brought home a couple of bottles of the blueberry beer for Derek to try.

Sunday was Dorian’s 18th birthday and we went to see Hair. Monica went home to do some work and we went to burger king, then bought overpriced but delicious cheesecake and black and white cookies and sat in time square and ate them. It was cool, sitting in Time Square on his birthday.

When we got back, I had to work on an assignment, as I had been the whole time I was there. I’m grateful for work so don’t like to stop.

Monday, Dorian and I went to meet Eden Brower and hung out with her for a couple of hours. Then hopped the subway home, and it was sooo slooowww with massive delays. We hurriedly finished packing and caught the subway. With some glitches we finally arrived at the airport.

Time went so fast, as it always does.

I Wanna Go to New York City cos I hear it's the place to be.....

2009-08-17T04:29:34Z

So excited about hanging out with Monica and Dorian in NYC in a few days. It's become a tradition that started a few years ago when I got a bee in my bonnet about taking Dorian to see a show on Broadway. I figured with a seat sale, I could go for a day and see a show and one night in an overpriced hotel. Monica suggested we extend our trip and stay with her. And we did and we've been doing it ever since. Dorian and Monica get along great and we'll have fun walking around since we're all broke this year. We'll likely hit the MOMA on Friday for the free admission time and Monica is having a little gathering for me on Saturday.

On Thursday night, I'm having dinner with Monica, my agent and some of her staff then it's off to read from "Teacher's Pet" at IN THE FLESH that night. I'm so excited about the reading too, I've been dying to go one of the IN THE FLESH events for a very long time and now I get to read at one!

We may even get a tour of the Fangoria offices from Drew Blood.

Sunday is Dorian's 18th birthday and we're hoping to scrape enough money together to go see HAIR. There have been $35 tickets for sale and hopefully still are for one of the shows that day.

So all will be fun without seeing three shows this year.

My week of bachelerettehood came to a close and now I went from just Dorian and I hanging out, and him either working or at a buddy's house most of the time, to Derek and two of his kids. So now a house with four men.

I have a lot of work to do tomorrow, not to mention pack as we hope to drive to Buffalo on Tuesday and get a cheap hotel to get an early flight Wednesday.

The HWA and Friends BBQ went great. Derek came home early Saturday and he shopped while I cleaned and all was ready by the time the guests arrived. It was really hot as first but as the day slipped into night, it cooled down nicely. People came and went all night. Brett and Sandra were the last to leave around 3:30. Rio stayed on the couch while Bobbie took one of the kid's rooms.

Okay, off to finish watching the Pineapple Express that I started a couple of weeks ago and didn't finish and Derek has nearly caught up to that part!

hmmm, that didn't go well.....

2009-08-13T05:46:33Z

Well, so much for the promotion I did today. The Diabolical Radio show I was on tonight went kaboom. Blogradio had some kind of technical issue and about five minutes into the show, everyone was booted off but me and Krist. So I talked for about an hour in case it was still being recorded, but in the end, it wasn't.

I didn't mind all that talking, it's always good to practice interviews when you can.

But it was a real drag for Greg, Lee,Kealan and Chace who just couldn't get back online. And even if they had, no one could hear anything but some piped in techno music.

I was in an odd mood today, too much time alone I guess and suffered great ADD while screwing around on facebook and trying to promote the radio show on twitter. Of course, I got a book in the mail from an author who enjoyed my Kama Sutra Seductions Deck and it's about having a healthy, large penis which is actually quite well done, and I just had to talk about that. Wouldn't you?

It's been nice not hearing that alarm go off six or seven times starting at 6 am nor having to drive Dorian anywhere. I get up around 8 or 9 and sit my ass down here and have a cup of coffee and begin.

If only I could get to bed before two every night, I could get some rest in. But I'm a night hawk.

Today I took two walks around the track. The mosquitoes are thick even at the track, which is still a bit from the woods. Those woods have had West Nile found in them, so it's not cool to go in there if those bugs are out.

Derek surprised me by coming back from trailer park to take Mitchell to counselling. He brought pizza and beer and we hung out about 45 minutes before he left to take Mitchell to counselling and then to return to the trailer. He's so weird. Friggin' Pisces.

Well, it's a bummer about the radio show but there's talk of rescheduling on Friday night at 11 pm est so stay tuned.

Diabolical Radio Tonight

2009-08-13T01:33:47Z

Tonight I'll be on Diabolical Radio at 11 pm. This time, the show is live. Last time I was on, it was taped, although I think they ran the whole thing, and I talked forever that night!

I'm nervous of course, and it will be interesting to see how everyone fares because all six of us are chatterboxes.

And I'm the only girl! lol

You can call in to heckle us too!

We're talking about Slime City Massacre and no doubt a bazillion other things.

So Join Usssssssssssss

Greg Lamberson
Kealan Patrick Burke
Lee Perkins
Sephera Giron

and two zany hosts, Krist and Chace.

Tune in TONIGHT, Wed August 12 at 11 pm est for a live phone in show!!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/diabolicalradio

More Damn Tornados

2009-08-10T01:44:50Z

Wow, what a storm. Two of them today. Tornado warnings and all.

Yet, when I woke up around 9:30, it was a beautiful day. I didn’t even go to bed til nearly four yet up I was for some unknown reason. I thought I might go for a walk but didn’t get my act together, a bit hungover from my fun night with Brenda Quinn and Michael Colangelo. Dorian went to his own party so everyone had a good time.

Within a couple of hours, the sky was black and a torrential storm descended. After it passed, it was beautiful out again so I went for a walk. The sun was really hot as I walked around the track as I didn’t even bother trying the woods since we had just had something like 20mm of rain in less than an hour. I decided I’d go back later.

After I dropped Dorian off at work, I did some stuff and decided to go for that walk. The air was so thick I could hardly breathe and the sky was growing darker by the minute so I walked around the block and called on my neighbour. Within half an hour, the next storm hit. The trees were nearly sideways for a bit. We watched from the garage and Dorian is staying late at work until this thing passes. I finally went home after about an hour. There was some wicked lightning and thunder and I don’t doubt something was hit.

Apparently this same storm is raging through the area near the trailer park where Derek is this week. Well he hasn’t called to say he’s dead, so I assume he’s okay.

Man that lightening is STILL bright and crazy. I should leave the computer for a bit.

This crazy weather matches my swings in a frightening way....

Why I'm crazy...

2009-08-06T18:32:50Z

because I'm constantly violated by my step children, that's why. Even locks on doors are forced open and broken. Money and possessions missing and broken. What did I do to them but love their father? I didn't even know him when he was with any of their mothers's.

I'm so tired of it all. An apartment looks sooo damn sweet for this middle aged woman with grown children.

It's so fucking depressing.

And last night was so lovely too. Derek and I sat out back til nearly one, admiring his little fountain he made and enjoying the lunar eclipse full moon brightness. He drank a couple of beers, I had water cos my acid reflux was bad yesterday. He even actually slept in the bed instead of on the couch (maybe twice a months he'll sleep with me which really pisses me off), I guess cos he knows he's going away for another ten days. The plus side of him going is that I don't have to deal with any of his three kids for that time. The down side is that I have no husband again. But maybe it's something I'll have to get used to if he doesn't smarten the fuck up out of that kid. He's had four years to get him to smarten up and things just get worse. I already was out the door once cos of that tyrant but Derek begged me to come back and promised the kid would behave. The kid is even in counselling. He's only been back one day from his mother's house and shit is staring again. It was so wonderful while he was gone for July. A normal household with no stress and bullshit. Should I just jump from the crashing plane now?

Everytime things seem better, I'm back at the crossroads again...sigh...

Later:

When Derek came home, he talked to the kid. Of course, it's the same old shit, tears and apologies that mean nothing til the next time.

Derek said the kid has a counselling appt on wednesday so I guess that means he driving two hours each way from the trailer park to take him.

Derek does what he can. The kid wants to live with his mother. I wish she would get a home and a job and deal with her own kid. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Well, I have my little world of fiction to amuse me and my erotic fantasies that just keep growing...oh yeah.............. :)